Is there really a Loch Ness monster?

Uh, this damn monster! What a fright he gave me. This happened many years ago, when there was not so much talk about the monster as now ... I had been abducted that morning by a flying saucer. Because of this, when the aliens released me on the shores of the lake I had a horrible look, with a vertical haircut all dyed blue (a blue unknown here on Earth). When I saw myself on the shore of the lake, the first thing I did was to dip my head in its waters with the hope that the dye would be diluted. THEN I SAW HIM. Under the water, meandering, with a kind of hamburger on the top of the head (his haircut was even worse than mine, so for a moment I thought he had also been abducted by aliens). Then we stare at each other. I had been holding my head under the water for several minutes, holding the breath, so my face had acquired a bluish color that matched my hair. Before the panic look of the monster, I jumped and ran in the direction of a tree, against which I smashed, falling senseless at its feet. After several hours, when I regained consciousness, I remembered the horrifying image of the monster with the hamburger for a hat, I panicked and run, colliding again with a tree and becoming unconscious. This was repeated a few times, until I left the forest, stunned, and asked for help from a penguin (or what I thought was a penguin: I had received many blows to the head). And that's it.

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