MISTER MYSTERY RESPONDS

The light of the full moon contains an ethereal substance called ‘moonicaline '. If one is exposed to the full moon, moonicaline sneaks into the brain through the ear canals and stuns neurons in such a way that it renders them incapable of thinking according to the parameters of Aristotelian logic. They begin to think according to the parameters of the Dimimetric logic. Dimimetrous was a Greek from Corinth whom Zeus anointed with a thunderbolt when he was "growing chives." (Growing chives is a metaphor the Greeks used to refer to the sexual act.) As a consequence, Dimimetrous ceased to be able to count from number 5 to number 203408 inclusive. Neither was he able to use again any verb either in speech or in writing, and his thought began to revolve invariably around a certain wooden bucket with which he drew water from the well. Dimimetrous gave his name to what we now know as obsessive thinking. Thus, while the effects of moonicaline last, one becomes obsessed with a cer...

Certainly. Especially the bagpipes. On one occasion, I witnessed how, under the influence of the sound of bagpipes, a woman started to roll herself in flour like a croquette. (Spontaneously tumbling or rolling is one of the main signs of Enlightenment. Buddha was said to be able to do up to three hundred somersaults per minute while in ecstasy.) The bagpipe was invented by the Irish druid Ogerin for the purpose of building a bridge to Tech Duinn or the world where the souls of the dead Celts inhabit. According to legend, once the bagpipe was finished, Ogerin spent three days in a row playing it non-stop. At the twilight of the third day, a thunderclap sounded and from the cloudy sky a horde of dead Celts ran down a ladder, grabbed Ogerin by the ears and forced him to eat the bagpipe without dressing.

The fact that Mrs. Samantha Gorgeous' London mansion would be the primary provider of patients for St. Vincent’s Hospital in the happy twenties has a logical explanation. On the Social Season, Mrs. Gorgeous used to organize high society balls. And although the assistants were warned that they should crouch down every sixteen minutes punctually, many forgot such a healthy advice. But “what was going on at Mrs. Gorgeous' mansion?” you're probably wondering. Quite simply: a marble statuette depicting the pathetic scene of a too short jockey trying unsuccessfully to climb onto a too tall horse, orbited the gigantic crystal chandelier in the middle of the ballroom. The orbit was elliptical and every sixteen minutes the statuette would fall to the level of the heads. Whether it was due to the jockey's frustration or to a more plausible circumstance (there was a large supply of Scotch whiskey in the cellar), the fact remains that the statuette had been orbiting the ballroom’s ...

That is at least what the proponents of the ancient astronaut theory say. In his book "The Celestial Musicians and the Pied Piper of Hamelin", Harry Swisburne quotes a passage from an ancient Sanskrit text which reads that Prince Uponisala would choose his servants in accordance with a musical scale. Each one represented a note and all together they vibrated at a frequency of 110 Hz. Such frequency allows contact with "the gods", which is the same as saying “the aliens”, which is the same as saying “Swisburne & Co.” “Which aliens?!” you might ask with a start if you are ignorant about the ancient astronaut theory. Well, the answer is: the aliens who, in ancient times, descended to Earth to teach the primitive humans the benefits of music and also to destroy everything. The passage runs: “Every morning, prince Uponisala checked that his servants were finely tuned and, if they were not, he fine-tuned them by twisting their ears". Likewise, in a clay tablet fo...

That's a malicious lie! It turns out that I am a psychologist and a parapsychologist at the same time and I have never had any disagreement with myself. Science is not at odds with pseudoscience. You can be a strict orthodox scientist and at the same time be committed to tracking down any paranormal activity among alien goblins, which is what I personally do. I have been tracking down paranormal activity among alien goblins for fifteen years now and my psychologist license has not been taken away yet. Anyway, I keep this commitment a secret, so you better not spread the word. Someone has to track down paranormal activity among alien goblins, otherwise they will eat our crops! 

The Karl Veimeier's novel "The Plastic Surgeon’s Belly Button". It’s said that if you read it quickly, you can experience muscle spasms and that, hidden among the ordinary ones, there is a magic word capable of giving you a face-lift if you pronounce it out loud. This word was inserted there expressly by the author, a plastic surgeon who had his license withdrawn for enlarging Aaron J. Ziegfield's breasts without his permission. The two men had had a bitter dispute over a false nose. Ziegfield, also a plastic surgeon, was in favor of creative freedom: he believed that the place of a nose was not necessarily in the middle of the face (which was obviously a mere convention, like wearing a toupee on the head while armpit was a more suitable place). Vermeier abhorred those libertarian ideas. When his license was withdrawn, he embraced the ideology of a theosophical sect of plastic surgeons that dated back to the Paleolithic and whose esoteric knowledge was eloquently summ...

Yes indeed. If while browsing the internet, one presses the & key five times in a row, the image does a hard fade to black and a kind of silver cloud appears on screen singing “Can't Help Falling In Love" with ukulele accompaniment. This melodious cloud goes by the name of Seymour Falklin and allegedly is the ghost of an IAD victim (Internet Addiction Disorder). The story of this man while alive deserves a brief memory. A computer security expert, Seymour Falklin had been chosen to be one of the holders of the seven keys to the internet (that’s to say, a member of the select group of seven individuals worldwide who hold keys to protect the Web from libidinous tendencies). Nevertheless, within months such privilege was withdrawn from him on the grounds that he was engaged in inappropriate behavior (he was staying in scandalous, dishonest and dirty relationship with a WiFi router). When the police showed up at his home to seize the key, he swallowed it and died straight away...

A phantom is scary, whereas a ghost strikes fear. Phantoms sometimes wear a toupee, while ghosts prefer to carry a toaster on the head. Phantoms are staunch enemies of goblins, while ghosts are staunch enemies of elves. (Goblins and elves are staunch enemies of the British Prime Minister, who in turn is staunch enemy of Sir Jonas C. Brubacker's phantom and his political clique.). A phantom can become a ghost under certain conditions (for example, on request of the Pope of Rome or someone called Ignatius). In contrast, a ghost cannot become a phantom under penalty of being forced to wear shorts. (Wearing shorts is a humiliation for both phantoms and ghosts, unless the shorts are yellow in which case it’s still a humiliation for phantoms while for ghosts it’s just a sample of bad taste.) Phantoms and ghosts compete for the same territory, and their way of competing is as follows: The phantom and the ghost face each other and both imitate a baboon. Whoever attracts a female baboon win...

Oh my! What a shocking case! Just thinking about it gives me the heebie-jeebies. It happened in Boston, Massachusetts, entering on the left. I am not allowed to reveal the protagonist's name under threat of being exorcised myself, God forbid! This was a man known in Boston for being able to continue playing bridge despite having fallen from the top of the Millennium Tower skyscraper. Game was his undoing. One day he bet too big, and that very night the strange phenomena began. First, exaggerated convulsions seized him in the street. Passersby thought he was dancing, until his head shot out like a rocket. Since the man continued to dance, they went to notify the parish priest of a nearby church. The parish priest had warned them: "If you see a man dancing without a head, let me know." Oh my! The parish priest! Just thinking about him gives me the heebie-jeebies. He brought a wheelbarrow from which he drew an ax and began swinging the ax till the poor demoniac was chipped. ...

Here is an interesting question. Parapsychologists do not agree on this. At the last international congress, this was the star topic of the debate and all the divergent opinions came to light. According to Russian parapsychologists, a crystal ball must be permanently alert if we want her to get an update on what's shaking out over there. On the other hand, Italians hold the view that the more relaxed the ball is, the more effective at exercising her divining function. “But to relax a ball it is not necessary to cover her”, Spanish Sorcerer Felix points out, “It’s enough to turn off the lights.” French Witch Charlotte disagree: “You are so pathetic! Everyone knows that crystal balls are afraid of the dark!" To which the Spanish representative (who wears a black robe with embroidered stars) replies: “That will tell for French balls!” And here the argument quickly escalates, until Sorcerer Felix waves his magic wand and makes Witch Charlotte disappear.

I will mention the ten most interesting cases according to the journal "Nature": 1. One day, Martha Newcampbell was dining boiled chard when the chard leaves suddenly choreographed a scene from West Side Story. 2. J. K. Millington witnessed how a group of field mice conspired against him. The next day, a giant mousetrap with a whole Gruyere cheese as bait was found in the middle of the room. Millington could not resist the temptation and fractured his hip. 3. Frances Celan was speaking in French with a friend when she suddenly saw the words in typographic characters instead of phonemes coming out of her mouth.  4. Philip Graham surprised an intruder in his home and discovered that the intruder was his own etheric double who had been fooling around with his wife. His wife confessed and the next day eloped with the double. 5. In her Edwardian house, Sophie Papoulus found a secret compartment inhabited by a pyramidal creature with the voice of Donald Duck. 6. Police in Benson, A...

Yes, for sure. The cusp of the Great Pyramid emits ultrasounds towards the Cosmos, specifically towards the Orion constellation, from where someone in turn waves his hand and smiles. This has been discovered by archaeologist and defender of the theory of ancient aliens Harry Swisburne. How did such finding take place? One night in August 1997, Swisburne was lurking near the entrance to the pyramid, waiting for the right moment to sneak inside. (He is forbidden to enter as a result of an unpleasant incident with a dung beetle.) Suddenly a rubble fell on his head -or a rubble was thrown on his head. During the period he was unconscious, a porcupine guided him inside the Great Pyramid, revealing all its secrets to him. Among which, the secret password to penetrate the hidden camera that exists beside the Queen’s Chamber and has not yet been officially discovered because, whenever someone has passed by the door, a mysterious energy has diverted their gaze. This password must be spoken by a...

I dare to assure that levitation is the most frequent. I usually carry stones in my pocket just in case. Because you never know when it can happen. It happened to me during my sister's wedding. I was engrossed in my own thinking when, all of a sudden, the wedding was taking place down below me… and, well, there was some excitement and a great deal of noise. My sister hasn't forgiven me yet. I don't know why people don’t believe this is something unintended. Anyway, if you are prone to levitate, you can't get so engrossed in your own thinking without it being a dangerous thing. Because you never know when you’re going to have a lofty thought. Although I shouldn't say it, I usually have high thinking, and the truth is that it’s quite embarrassing. For example, when you are having tea in the company of high-minded people, and without taking your eyes off the newspaper, you leave the cup on the saucer. Or when you're shaking hands with someone. Before you know it, y...

Lacking vocal cords, ghosts are at an enormous disadvantage in terms of access to language and its modes of expression. For this reason the Supreme Court granted ghosts "the inalienable right to emit psychophonies." Nevertheless, psychophonies are emitted with the mind and, lacking mind, ghosts ... Anyway, this time the Supreme Court dismissed the complaint. But ghosts were reluctant to give up their right to express their discontent with their living conditions. So they developed a way to produce psychophonies without the intervention of the mind. It’s what is known as the "Pishnuk method". Arnold Pishnuk is the inventor of this method consisting of the random emission of human-like sounds by rubbing the head against a wooden surface. The Pishnuk method encompasses a wide range of sounds. However, since it’s not a mental process, the messages uttered by this method do not carry any meaning at all. Some popular examples of psychophonies are: "Giiiiiiiiiiiii...

Are you kidding?! Bending teaspoons by paranormal means is one of the three landmarks of civilization, the other two being the discovery of fire and the rise of agriculture (especially the cultivation of hot peppers). Since there are teaspoons, the human being has tried to bend them by all means at his disposal. In vain. Until one day Uri Geller appeared on television, like a godsend, to teach the inhabitants of the planet the ability to bend teaspoons by paranormal means. Since then, not a day goes by without a teaspoon being bent by paranormal means. (Just yesterday, one in Cilgerran, Wales.)  URI GELLER

45,000 years ago, in mid-July, specifically on the 4th at 3:30 am local time, a Neanderthal named Yrtytyt got out of the cave to go to the toilet. While he was relieving his bladder, he was stunned to see a pair of lights approaching. They were located in parallel at a low height from the ground. Yrtytyt quickly ducked behind the bushes and watched carefully as the two mysterious lights stopped. Behind the lights was a vehicle, specifically a Blue ‘57 Chevrolet Bel Air. Yrtytyt quickly realized that this was not normal. He did not say to himself that it was a paranormal thing because the word 'paranormal' had not yet been invented. In fact, the word 'normal' had not been invented either. In fact, not even language had yet been invented… Suddenly, the lights went out and music came out of the vehicle, specifically "Bye Bye Love" sung by Everly Brothers. At this point, Yrtytyt lost consciousness as a result of the strong impressions received. When he came around...

The aspiration for instant travel encouraged particle physicist Vittorio Moulano to invent a teletransporter machine. The invention consists of two cabinets: a sender and a receiver. However, the invention has great limitations. To begin with, the distance at which the traveler is teletransported does not exceed three feet, so a one yard travel would take approximately a year (not to mention the effort it would take to manually move both cabinets every three feet.) Another difficulty has to do with the scientific verification. Indeed, for no apparent reason, the experiment needs to be done in the dark, so there is always the question whether the traveler moves from one cabinet to the other on his own feet and under the protection of the shadows. On the other hand, what makes scientists suspicious the most is the fact that there is no technology associated with the machine: the cabinets are nothing special. In addition, Moulano has a long criminal record for fraud, extortion and the con...

Crowds are riddled with paranormal phenomena. This is due to the accumulation of static electricity, which causes collective trance states during which the crowd can fall prey to the most varied collective hallucinations. In 1986, during a demonstration in Sydney, people saw a UFO from where leaflets announcing lipstick were thrown into the crowd. In Toronto, during another demonstration, the crowd had the subjective feeling that "a guy named Guterres has taken over my nose." In the end, the police managed to arrest this Guterres and the collective panic was contained. However, in a crowded bodybuilding congress held in a Lyon venue, the rumor that hot chicken wings were hidden under someone's hat spread like wildfire and there were avalanches, landslides and a tornado.

As Mao Zedong said once: "Everything weird tends to come together." Mao used to apply this wise principle to geese ("the strangest living creatures after Chiang Kai-Shek" according to him) but it can also be applied to ghosts and extraterrestrials. Indeed, it’s possible that there are ghosts of extraterrestrial origin. It’s almost certain if we look at the case of Benjamin Zukor. Haven't you heard of him? So let me illustrate.  Benjamin Zukor was a peddler who traveled the roads of Poland with his old horse and his cart. He was a dealer in pieces of metal of an unknown alloy here on Earth. People wondered where he got his merchandise from, and tried to get the answer out of him. But he used to make only a vague gesture with his hand pointing to the sky. Hence the rumor spread that, years ago, he had witnessed the crashing of a UFO on the bridge of his nose, and that it was from the remains of that accident from where he would extract his merchandise.  Zukor live...

First we must ask ourselves what do we understand by "blood moon". If we understand what I suspect we understand, then it’s that we don’t understand anything and we had better leave the subject to avoid misunderstandings. Now, if by "blood moon" we understand a total lunar eclipse (which is what people in their right mind understand by "blood moon"), then we can start to say something. For example, I dare say that such nonsense is not worth worrying about, unless we are not in our right mind, in which case we should not only worry about it but we're already waiting too long in worrying about it. There's no other way for me to put it not being in our right mind.