MISTER MYSTERY RESPONDS

Is it possible that the late M. Latour was right when he defined the quiet spa resort as a nest of spies? Is it possible that Gilberte's father occupies himself with throwing pianos from the balconies? Is it possible that I am the victim of an international conspiracy? But what would the countries present at the Hague Conference win with my poisoning? In any case, they would not have much to lose either. Maybe they need another scapegoat. But they already have Dreyfus. Maybe one is not enough for them. Lately, the world is a little short of scapegoats, and I am a prototypical one. But wait a moment. Dreyfuss is a Jew. And Karlsbad is a resort frequented by Jews from all over Europe. Swann is also a Jew. And, come to think of it, my mother is a Jew too, what makes me a Jew myself! Which reminds me that I have not celebrated the Jewish Easter for many years. I don’t even remember when it was the last time I entered a synagogue. Yahve must not remember me either! Tomorrow I must go wi...

If the life of a member of the privileged class who does not need to work for a living was already boring in Paris, here in the spa, boredom reaches cosmic proportions. I doubt much that in Neptune or Pluton, (to name two planets with a degree of evolution similar to that of Earth, according to the latest discoveries of the Charenton lunatic asylum’s observatory), people get bored as much as we get bored here. Being subjected to rigid schedules determined by the frequent intake of water, constricts your life to the point that one completely lacks freedom of choice if it is not for things like the underpants that you are going to put on today. And taking into account that it is strictly forbidden to accumulate the water necessary for the intake of the whole day but it is necessary to go to the spring on each of the six daily occasions in which this intake is stipulated, you don’t even have time to relieve yourself. In short, you spend most of your time queuing up at one of the many ther...

Yesterday we arrived at Karslbad M. Swann, Mme Swann, her daughter Gilberte and myself. We stayed in the Grandhotel Pupp, in separate rooms, and the first thing we did was to present ourselves to Dr. Hoenstrich so that he could examine us and prescribe to each one the type of water that suits us best. The Swanns have been prescribed the hot mineral water that flows from the main fountain of the resort, a geyser surrounded by a small circular pond called "der Sprudel", located in the center of the place. On the other hand, I have been prescribed water from a natural spring on top of a rock that has to be climbed. When I protested, the doctor showed me a gun that he keeps in a drawer. It's high season and the spa is overflowing with people. At each fountain there is a lot of patients waiting in line to drink a sip. However, no one queues before the rock at the top of which there is the spring whose water I must drink. I have informed myself surreptitiously and I have learne...

Mrs. Cassel made the daily morning tour of the thermal springs of Marienbad when she suddenly heard a voice calling her by her name. Clearly the voice said: "Abraham Moskovitzi! Abraham Moskovitzi!” When she realized that her name was not Abraham Moskovitzi, it was too late: a group of Orthodox Jews in their black caftans had met with her and, while they were parsimoniously walking beside her, they asked her questions about the kabbalistic Sefirot. Interestingly, she knew all the answers despite never having read the Kabbalah and having only vague knowledge about its existence. Allowing herself to be accompanied by these men with long beards and curled sideburns, Mrs. Cassel unwittingly entered the old synagogue where the Jewish community of the spa town was congregated. With obvious embarrassment, she headed towards the Bimah, where she began to read aloud the Torah, despite not knowing how to read in Hebrew. While reading, she pulled her beard’s hair. "For God's sake (s...

Year 1871. During Mrs. Cassel's stay in the spa resort of Vichy, she witnessed the discussion between the director of the thermal establishment and a client, who complained that, in the room she shared with her husband, strange noises were heard at night. The director insisted that it was her husband's snoring, to which she replied that she was familiar with her husband's snoring and  this was another kind of noise, more like the one that emits a Patagonian Mara. The director said he wasn't familiar with the noise that a Patagonian Mara emits, but even so he would switch rooms. Intrigued by what the client had told him, the director set out to spend the night in the room in question. Mrs. Cassel got up early the next morning to see with her own eyes the result of the venture. When she was walking down the corridor, she saw from a distance a dozen strange rodents similar to jackrabbits leaving the room in single line. The last one to leave was the director of the thermal...

Judging by the experiences that Jackie Cassel relates in her monograph "Paranormal Waters" (published in 1867 when the passion for the spa resorts was at its peak), the thermal establishments are not only sources of health but also of paranormal phenomena. Mrs. Cassel, a middle-aged and unmarried Frenchwoman resident in Clermont, suffered from cerebral lumbalgia and the doctor prescribed her some purple pills, but as she did not like that color, she preferred to prescribe herself a stay in the spa of Carlsbad in Czechoslovakia. Even with reluctance, her doctor agreed to pay for her stay at the Grand Hotel in that spa city, and that is how Mrs. Cassel began his career as an expert in spas. In that first stay in a thermal establishment, she realized that unusual things happened there. For example, the towels disappeared. You left the towel on a lounger and, when you returned, it was conspicuous by its absence. The jars of aromatic salts also disappeared and, on one occasion, t...