MISTER MYSTERY RESPONDS

That's a malicious lie! It turns out that I am a psychologist and a parapsychologist at the same time and I have never had any disagreement with myself. Science is not at odds with pseudoscience. You can be a strict orthodox scientist and at the same time be committed to tracking down any paranormal activity among alien goblins, which is what I personally do. I have been tracking down paranormal activity among alien goblins for fifteen years now and my psychologist license has not been taken away yet. Anyway, I keep this commitment a secret, so you better not spread the word. Someone has to track down paranormal activity among alien goblins, otherwise they will eat our crops! 

God does not exist, how many times have I got to tell you? There is no God as there are no goblins or dragons or fairies or caviar cans at reasonable prices. Simply, they don't exist. You’ll say I am a skeptic. But I’m not, I am a fervent believer. I believe in Science firmly. I have blind faith. If suddenly Heaven were to open and the smiling face of Divinity appeared, even then I would opt for Science, which says that Divinity does not exist. I don’t betray my beliefs at the first sign of trouble! My beliefs are sacred. I don’t need proofs of the truth. I already know the truth, and the truth has a name: it is called Science, blessed be It. Science is not only truer than God, but also has an infinitely more beautiful name: "Science", "Science", "Science"… One would be all day pronouncing that name. It seems that honey comes to your lips: "Sciennnnce". Oh, how much I love It! Science is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of En...

Weird things. Once I pretended to unmask a famous clairvoyant. I went to his office and, after scrutinizing his crystal ball, he informed me that he saw a camel reading "The Capital" by Karl Marx. I could not help but laugh and told him to look better, that it would probably be a hunchback. But he insisted that the hump was that of a camel. Then I resumed the laughter and exclaimed that it would be a communist camel. The man was very indignant and threw me out of his office. He thought I was making fun of him, which was absolutely true. I and my colleagues at Brookhaven National Laboratory spent a whole day cracking up at the expense of the clairvoyant's vision. That reaffirmed me in my conviction that clairvoyance was a pure hoax. But the next Sunday I went to work overtime, and at the gates of my lab I found a camel with his head down, apparently reading an open book lying on the floor. You will understand my perplexity. I picked up the book with trembling hands and ...

I consider that Science is quite superb when trying to explain everything. Because the fact is that IT CAN NOT. For example: Can Science explain why, if I throw an apple into the air, it falls back instead of continuing to ascend indefinitely? Hey? What do you say to this, Harvard professors? I see that you have run out of words and it does not surprise me. In my opinion, Science should be a little more humble and recognize that it has no answers for everything. To give other examples: Why are the aliens so fond of hairdressing? Why do succubi eat carpets? Why do not the gtfdrps exist? What prevents it? Why is the Earth round? And why are tennis balls also round? Are they imitating the Earth? With what permission? ... They are unsolvable questions from a scientific approach. Before them, the scientist should bow his head and humbly recognize, like Socrates, that "I only know that I do not know anything." On the other hand, spiritualists should also be a little more sympatheti...

The fifteenth time! Yesterday night, while I was in the middle of a brainstorming in a lively discussion with myself trying to find the unifying formula of Physics, plop !, I was suddenly illuminated by a very powerful beam of light coming from above. Due to my extreme mental concentration, for a moment I was dumbfounded thinking that they had just awarded me the Nobel Prize in Physics. I even got up and bowed ... until I started to get up and realized that I was being abducted again by those damn aliens. With a swipe of my hand I grabbed my papers full of equations and then I found myself for the fourteenth time sitting in a barber chair surrounded by those macrocephalic little aliens with black bulging eyes. I heard the barber's scissors click in their thin hands and I shuddered. A stupid inertia prompted me to order the type of haircut I wanted: a serious and discreet cut as befits a scientist like me. That order of mine (emptied, with a part in the middle...) unleashed a huge h...

I would face this phenomenon bravely! I do not want to show off as a hero, but more than once I admonished a paranormal phenomenon to disappear and to follow the principles of Science. I will only mention one case that almost cost me my life. I worked at the Brookhaven National Laboratory in NY (My specialty is particle physics). One afternoon I stayed working late. Towards midnight I left the laboratory to urinate. Apparently there was no one else on my floor. While I was walking down the long corridor plunged into my thoughts, I raised my head and stopped suddenly when I saw a ... (It's hard for me to write it because I do not believe or ever believe in it) a ghost. I know he was a ghost because he was semi transparent, and he lacked feet, which nevertheless did not stop him from moving back and forth, right and left and even up and down. My mind is too rational to admit what I was seeing, so I ignored it and resumed the march. Then the ghost began to move to all sides as if he d...

To understand a certain intellectual position, you have to get yourself into the mind of your interlocutor, which is what I will do next with your permission. Let's see. From the creationist point of view, why did Evolution have to poke his nose into Creation?! Why did not he sit quietly at home watching TV?… Some of you will say: what nonsense! Why the nonsense? It is a questionable position, but as respectable as any other. That is why I consider the continuous attacks proffered against Creationism to be excessive. Evolution could have been a little more polite and knocked on the door of the Universe before interfering in the affairs of Creation. I think it is this lack of elementary civic education that has poisoned this debate.