MISTER MYSTERY RESPONDS

God does not exist, how many times have I got to tell you? There is no God as there are no goblins or dragons or fairies or caviar cans at reasonable prices. Simply, they don't exist. You’ll say I am a skeptic. But I’m not, I am a fervent believer. I believe in Science firmly. I have blind faith. If suddenly Heaven were to open and the smiling face of Divinity appeared, even then I would opt for Science, which says that Divinity does not exist. I don’t betray my beliefs at the first sign of trouble! My beliefs are sacred. I don’t need proofs of the truth. I already know the truth, and the truth has a name: it is called Science, blessed be It. Science is not only truer than God, but also has an infinitely more beautiful name: "Science", "Science", "Science"… One would be all day pronouncing that name. It seems that honey comes to your lips: "Sciennnnce". Oh, how much I love It! Science is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of En...

In 1890, on the outskirts of Croydon, South London, stood a stately mansion of victorian style surrounded by a six-meter wall. The exaggerated height of the wall was due not to the fear that someone would slip into the mansion but that someone could escape from it. No, it was not a prison: it was the most elitist asylum for men in all of England. It was such a select establishment that it was only allowed to madmen who thought themselves to be historical figures of lineage such as  Henry VIII, Benjamin Franklin, Ramses II or Frederick the Great. When several individuals coincided with the same obsession, a court of experts decided which of them was the real personality, and the impostors were rejected. However, the case that we will now deal with is not that of a historical celebrity but that of a fictional character of the time, protagonist of a series of famous cheap serialized booklets, named Spring Heeled Jack. Since in the asylum there was already a Spring Heeled Jack, the co...

Weird things. Once I pretended to unmask a famous clairvoyant. I went to his office and, after scrutinizing his crystal ball, he informed me that he saw a camel reading "The Capital" by Karl Marx. I could not help but laugh and told him to look better, that it would probably be a hunchback. But he insisted that the hump was that of a camel. Then I resumed the laughter and exclaimed that it would be a communist camel. The man was very indignant and threw me out of his office. He thought I was making fun of him, which was absolutely true. I and my colleagues at Brookhaven National Laboratory spent a whole day cracking up at the expense of the clairvoyant's vision. That reaffirmed me in my conviction that clairvoyance was a pure hoax. But the next Sunday I went to work overtime, and at the gates of my lab I found a camel with his head down, apparently reading an open book lying on the floor. You will understand my perplexity. I picked up the book with trembling hands and ...

Yesterday, for the first time, I gathered enough courage to face a succubus. As always, he jumped in the window and pounced on the carpet while I curled up in a corner to whimper. But this time I began to reflect: What a shame! Science did not deserve this daily humiliation that one of Its most eminent representatives supported in His name. What would Einstein think about that? Then the cholera invaded me. I suddenly got up and began to rebuke the succubus. "Damn succubus (I exclaimed), do not you realize that you are compromising the credibility of Science? Science has Its rules, and according to those rules you can not be eating the carpet for the simple reason that YOU DO NOT EXIST !!” I thought that these last words would have an effect on him. But no: he was devouring the carpet indifferent to everything. It was disgusting to see him salivate with his mouth full of carpet threads. I became frenzied: "You do not exist !! You do not exist!! (I shouted) Does nonexistence me...

As a scientist I have been asking this question for a while and there is only one possible answer: what does not exist does not exist, period. Do not be fooled by apparently existing phenomena. The non-existent PRETEND to exist but in reality it does not exist no matter how hard it tries. If you are in one of these anomalous situations and have any hesitation, consult the catalog of what exists according to Science. If that strange phenomenon that you are witnessing does not appear in the catalog, IT DOES NOT EXIST. IT PRETENDS TO EXIST. The non-existent may not exist but it is not stupid, it is cunning and will try by all means to make you believe that it exists. But do not be fooled: pretend you too, bluff, look the other way, pretend not to notice. It's what I do constantly. Look, I've been living in the same apartment in Queens for 15 years, and I'm constantly the victim of one of these stubborn non-existent phenomena. The objects are blown up, the furniture craw...

Make way for Science! This is a question for Science, not for Religion or Mysticism or for ancient or modern sages who believe in non-existent things such as the Soul, the Spirit, God ...! Why does not God exist? Because it does not appear in the Catalog of the existing produced by Science! Do you have any idea of ​​the number of years that it has taken scientists to develop this catalog? Because we have not made it by “eeny meeny mainy moe”, no. Each item in that catalog has been demonstrated at least a thousand times! Electricity for example. How many times has the existence of electricity been demonstrated? Countless times! Because electricity is a thing that can be proven! You can light a bulb through electricity. But can you light a bulb through the soul? ¡The soul, the soul, the whole world speaks of the soul! But has anyone demonstrated the existence of the soul ?! And do not come with philosophical demonstrations. Science requires tangible demonstrations: show me a soul, th...

Now I speak to you as an existentialist philosopher: The non-existent exists, only that it exists in a non-existential or nonexistent way. So it is difficult to decide if non-existence is preferable to existence, since on the other hand existence can also be a nonexistent existence. In any case, if there were no other alternative, I would prefer existing existence. https://blog.feedspot.com/humor_blogs/

Make way for Science! Make way for the miraculous elixir that explains everything! Ghosts, poltergeist, succubus, aliens, paranormal phenomena in general, sea monsters! Everything is explained by Science with rational arguments and empirical evidence. Today, at the request of the respectable public, Science will solve a mystery of Cryptozoology! I mean that gigantic and elusive ape that lives in the woods and that goes by the name of Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Yeti! Watch! Observe with what argumentative simplicity I am ready to explain this unsolvable mystery with the help of this “explain-it-all” elixir which is the sacrosanct Science (God preserve it for many years!) A gigantic ape? Why not? Even a potato with legs could be explained by Science if that were the case! Because according to the theory of Strings everything fits in this infinite Universe made up of infinite universes! Imagine a planet populated by Bigfoots and, next to that planet, a wormhole that connects with our Earth. Bigf...

Never! That would be a sacrilege, a betrayal of Science! In my already long crusade against paranormal and metaphysical phenomena I have never stopped applying the scientific method with scrupulosity. I'll give you an example. Last year I decided to spend my summer vacation in a town in the Midwest where it was said that there was a haunted house. Due to this bad reputation, the owner could not rent it, so he was very surprised when he saw me sign the lease for a month. The house in question was located just outside the town right in the middle of what had once been a Sioux cemetery. Modestly, I consider myself an outstanding disciple of the great Harry Houdini, the greatest unmasking of paranormal frauds that has militated in the ranks of Science. So, following the example of my teacher, the first thing I did was to review the rooms one by one in search of hidden devices that could explain the strange voices that were said to be heard at night. I did not find any, which does not m...

To fit all physical phenomena so that they adapt to a Theory of Everything is not as simple as I had supposed. I have come to the conclusion that certain uncomfortable elements must be eliminated from the equation. For example, the Law of Gravity (a law very overvalued in my opinion). So that my colleagues do not accuse me of arbitrariness, I have not wanted to ignore the scientific method, and I have already taken twelve jumps from the second floor of my office. When I recover from my injuries and my bones finish welding I will keep trying. It would suffice only ONCE that, instead of falling, I would take flight, so that the damn Law of Gravity would be compromised. Thus, Science would be closer to discovering the desired Grand Unifying Theory. If only I could sleep at night, but the succubi still bother me. They do not even respect my convalescence! Damn succubi! A small donation for needy children in exchange for this story? Click on this link to UNICEF. I really appreciate it! ...

I do not think the scientific community is prepared for my recent discovery. Even so, I am going to make it public, even if that makes me worthy of the hostility of my colleagues. After an exhaustive mathematical analysis condensed into 121 incontrovertible equations, I have come to the conclusion that the Earth is flat. "And the satellite images?" you ask, “and the testimony of the astronauts?” To hell with satellites and astronauts! Mathematic does not lie! 2 + 2 = 4 here and in Ganymede! ... By the way: another hell of a night! While I was contemporizing with a succubus that was eating my new carpet, the beam of light reappeared, but this time I could hide in time. Ha, ha, ha, I imagine the aliens' faces when they saw the succubus fall into their damn flying saucer! In any case, this should not distract me from my investigations. I must concentrate. A small donation for needy children in exchange for this story? Click on this link to UNICEF. I really appreciate it! ...

I consider that Science is quite superb when trying to explain everything. Because the fact is that IT CAN NOT. For example: Can Science explain why, if I throw an apple into the air, it falls back instead of continuing to ascend indefinitely? Hey? What do you say to this, Harvard professors? I see that you have run out of words and it does not surprise me. In my opinion, Science should be a little more humble and recognize that it has no answers for everything. To give other examples: Why are the aliens so fond of hairdressing? Why do succubi eat carpets? Why do not the gtfdrps exist? What prevents it? Why is the Earth round? And why are tennis balls also round? Are they imitating the Earth? With what permission? ... They are unsolvable questions from a scientific approach. Before them, the scientist should bow his head and humbly recognize, like Socrates, that "I only know that I do not know anything." On the other hand, spiritualists should also be a little more sympatheti...

The fifteenth time! Yesterday night, while I was in the middle of a brainstorming in a lively discussion with myself trying to find the unifying formula of Physics, plop !, I was suddenly illuminated by a very powerful beam of light coming from above. Due to my extreme mental concentration, for a moment I was dumbfounded thinking that they had just awarded me the Nobel Prize in Physics. I even got up and bowed ... until I started to get up and realized that I was being abducted again by those damn aliens. With a swipe of my hand I grabbed my papers full of equations and then I found myself for the fourteenth time sitting in a barber chair surrounded by those macrocephalic little aliens with black bulging eyes. I heard the barber's scissors click in their thin hands and I shuddered. A stupid inertia prompted me to order the type of haircut I wanted: a serious and discreet cut as befits a scientist like me. That order of mine (emptied, with a part in the middle...) unleashed a huge h...

I would face this phenomenon bravely! I do not want to show off as a hero, but more than once I admonished a paranormal phenomenon to disappear and to follow the principles of Science. I will only mention one case that almost cost me my life. I worked at the Brookhaven National Laboratory in NY (My specialty is particle physics). One afternoon I stayed working late. Towards midnight I left the laboratory to urinate. Apparently there was no one else on my floor. While I was walking down the long corridor plunged into my thoughts, I raised my head and stopped suddenly when I saw a ... (It's hard for me to write it because I do not believe or ever believe in it) a ghost. I know he was a ghost because he was semi transparent, and he lacked feet, which nevertheless did not stop him from moving back and forth, right and left and even up and down. My mind is too rational to admit what I was seeing, so I ignored it and resumed the march. Then the ghost began to move to all sides as if he d...

To understand a certain intellectual position, you have to get yourself into the mind of your interlocutor, which is what I will do next with your permission. Let's see. From the creationist point of view, why did Evolution have to poke his nose into Creation?! Why did not he sit quietly at home watching TV?… Some of you will say: what nonsense! Why the nonsense? It is a questionable position, but as respectable as any other. That is why I consider the continuous attacks proffered against Creationism to be excessive. Evolution could have been a little more polite and knocked on the door of the Universe before interfering in the affairs of Creation. I think it is this lack of elementary civic education that has poisoned this debate.