MISTER MYSTERY RESPONDS

Oh my! What a shocking case! Just thinking about it gives me the heebie-jeebies. It happened in Boston, Massachusetts, entering on the left. I am not allowed to reveal the protagonist's name under threat of being exorcised myself, God forbid! This was a man known in Boston for being able to continue playing bridge despite having fallen from the top of the Millennium Tower skyscraper. Game was his undoing. One day he bet too big, and that very night the strange phenomena began. First, exaggerated convulsions seized him in the street. Passersby thought he was dancing, until his head shot out like a rocket. Since the man continued to dance, they went to notify the parish priest of a nearby church. The parish priest had warned them: "If you see a man dancing without a head, let me know." Oh my! The parish priest! Just thinking about him gives me the heebie-jeebies. He brought a wheelbarrow from which he drew an ax and began swinging the ax till the poor demoniac was chipped. ...

There are four kinds of devil: first kind, second kind, third kind, and fourth kind. All together they are grouped under the title ‘several kinds'. To distinguish one kind from another you have to look at the horns. There are four kinds of devil horns: first kind, second kind, third kind, and fourth kind. To differentiate between the four classes of devil horns, attention must be paid to the quality of the horns. Four kinds of qualities: first kind, second kind, third kind, and fourth kind. The quality of a horn is measured by its sharpness. Parapsychologists distinguish four kinds of sharpness in a corn: first kind, second kind, third kind, and fourth kind. These four classes of horns roughly correspond to the four classes of devil mentioned above, i.e.: first kind, second kind, third kind, and fourth kind. All together grouped under the title "several kinds".

How is it that Leo Spit came up with something as extravagant as buying a carrot? What the hell did he want a carrot for? Could not he settle for the carrots he kept in the pantry? Why did he have to enter that grocery store? Here is an unfathomable enigma, one of many that raises the human condition. Leo's life would never be the same again. But he had been free to choose. He had been given the freedom to pass by or enter the grocery store. And, in use of his freedom, he chose to enter. And not only did he enter, but he did something as absurd as buying a carrot. You will say: "Ha, ha, what's so terrible about buying a carrot? Are carrots and vegetables in general dangerous?" Aah! I suppose you think you're clever. First of all, not all vegetables are equally harmless! The danger of a radish, for example, is much lower than that of a carrot. And let's not say a cauliflower! ... And secondly, it's not the same to buy a carrot from the corner grocer, that o...

As incredible as it sounds, you can live in New York and be a saint… Well, nobody in particular comes to mind right now, but that is explained by the fact that today saints use to lead anonymous lives. It was the same in the thirties. From that time only one name has arrived to us wrapped in a halo of sanctity: that of Phil Macroy. Macroy was a small, sickly Irish Catholic who worked as an accountant in an exporting company of tanning creams. Macroy's life was an exemplary life. He didn’t have any vice, with the possible exception of making paper airplanes that he threw out the window of the skyscraper where he worked with the secret hope that the authorities decreed the state of emergency. He always followed the same routine of going back and forth between work and home every day, including Sundays. (For this, he had to force the door of the office, which at the end of the year was a considerable expense for the company. But such was his ability to circumvent security measures th...

Why does the devil have horns? Dear friend, the devil has horns for the same reason that goats have horns: because they are horned. Following this same logic rule you can deduce all kinds of things by yourself. For example: why do bears have hair? Indeed, dear: bears have hair because they are hairy. If the devil had hair, it would be hairy. If the bears had horns they would be horned. If my great-aunt had a beard, what would it be? My great-uncle?! No, my dear, I see you have not understood. If my great-aunt had a beard she would be bearded. Do you understand now? I advise you to practice a little more until you master this rule completely. And listen to me: you will see how applying this logical rule to all things, you will come to dominate the Universe! It is this same rule that has made possible the great advances of Humanity in all fields of Science. Including the arrival of man to the moon! Why is the devil always painted red? Is red a devilish color? Dear friend: I think y...

Searching through the archives of the Society for Psychical Research, a strange case has come to my hands. Out of respect for his protagonist I will omit his real name and call him Mr. Shithead. Mr. Shithead was an evil man. His track record was full of assaults, robberies, swindles, and he had once been seen punching a defenseless granite rock. All this had gone unpunished. But apparently one day his misdeeds filled the patience of ... let's say the forces of Nature. And the following happened: While Mr. Shithead was plotting some bad deed in his wooden cabin on the outskirts of Colchester, someone knocked on the door. For him it was a surprise given that for years no one had ever come to visit him, firstly because his cabin was a little remote, and secondly because his visitors of old were invariably stripped of all the valuables that they carried and thrown out of his cabin with a kick in the ass. His surprise guest turned out to be the devil himself! ... or someone disguised ...