MISTER MYSTERY RESPONDS

That is at least what the proponents of the ancient astronaut theory say. In his book "The Celestial Musicians and the Pied Piper of Hamelin", Harry Swisburne quotes a passage from an ancient Sanskrit text which reads that Prince Uponisala would choose his servants in accordance with a musical scale. Each one represented a note and all together they vibrated at a frequency of 110 Hz. Such frequency allows contact with "the gods", which is the same as saying “the aliens”, which is the same as saying “Swisburne & Co.” “Which aliens?!” you might ask with a start if you are ignorant about the ancient astronaut theory. Well, the answer is: the aliens who, in ancient times, descended to Earth to teach the primitive humans the benefits of music and also to destroy everything. The passage runs: “Every morning, prince Uponisala checked that his servants were finely tuned and, if they were not, he fine-tuned them by twisting their ears". Likewise, in a clay tablet fo...

In D. W. Griffith's “The Birth of a Nation" (1915), Lillian Gish is putting the laundry on the clothes line when she sees a shiny disk that crosses the sky. The disc suddenly wobbles and plummets. Lillian runs to the spot and there she finds a scrap heap from which two tall gray guys emerge. They wear tight garments, some sort of swimsuit and leggings, and have huge eyes totally black as coals. Then a dialogue intertitle appears (it's a silent movie) where we read: “Calm down! We come in peace.” Lillian figures that these are two Confederate soldiers and hides them in the house. Next, a crowd of men wearing black hoods and robes arrives to the accident area and cordons it off. Fearing that it’s the Ku Klux Klan, which has defected to the side of black people and now harasses whites, Lillian covers herself in tar. Then her beloved comes from the front and is startled to find that Lillian has turned black. While she revives him, the two gray guys appear, followed by an expos...

Squattedman is watching over the city from the sky when he sees before him a little light that advances towards him very slowly but getting increasingly larger. Suddenly, the light dashes and stands up under his very nose. There, high above New York City, Squattedman faces a huge metal object in the form of a cigar. The cigar seems to be lit because from its end sprouts a weird violet smoke. However, at the other end there is no one puffing on. (Thank God because if there were someone, it should be twice the size of the Statue of Liberty.) In 1910 there was still no talk of flying saucers or possible alien life on other planets in the Universe. In fact, a high percentage of New Yorkers were still convinced that the Earth was flat. At least they were in no doubt about this in the case of New York. (For other cities they would not risk their necks.) And stars were just for decoration, like candles on a Christmas tree. If you had told them that our sun was just another star, they would h...

It's getting dark. Karl Humboldt, the Weimar eccentric inventor, enters Mrs. Walsolz's inn and takes a seat on one of the wooden tables, next to the fireplace. He seems to be in a melancholic mood. Mrs. Walsolz notices it, sits with him and asks the reason for his sadness. Humboldt talks to her about his wretched love. He had fallen in love with a foreign woman... and now he has lost track of her. He fears that she has returned to her country. Then, Humboldt beckons to the waiter and orders a beer jar. The waiter throws the jar from the counter and hits Humboldt's head. Mrs. Walsolz reprimands him: "Viktor, how many times do I have to tell you that tables are not served that way?!"  Humboldt is stunned by the blow and, in a state of semi-consciousness, murmurs the name of his beloved. When she hears it, she gets astonished: -What did you say? -Prtzil… Prtzil… My mustached Prtzil… Mrs. Walsolz gets up suddenly: “Viktor, tell Miss Prtzil to come up! Hurry!” Soon...

Lord Byron wanders arrogantly through the vaulted cellar while the mustached alien princess (we already know that “she” is also “he”, but we'll call her/him “she” to simplify) exhausts the arguments to try to convince him to accompany her to her planet and marry her there. Then, one of her mustached subjects bursts in to warn her that the owner of the house has just arrived. The princess waves a fist to Byron (who in turn give her the finger) and she hurries up the stairs that lead to the inn run by Caroline Walsolz, where the group of mustached aliens are staying. In the inn's hall, Mrs. Walsolz takes off her bonnet while ranting about the meeting she just attended in Mrs. Schopenhauer's salon: "I never heard so many nonsense together!" At this moment the alien princess enters the hall: "What do you mean, Mrs. Walsolz?". "Ah, Prtzil, one afternoon you should accompany me to Mrs. Schopenhauer's salon. Just so you can see how boring it is. And t...

The twilight spreads its cloak over the city of Weimar while Lord Byron follows a woman down its streets. He has been following her for a long time from the outskirts, where she has caught his attention because of her halo of mystery. She is a tall, thin woman in a cloak with a hood that does not allow him to see her face. It’s precisely this circumstance (the fact that the woman hides her face) what excites his curiosity. However, the slender lady possesses such graceful legs that it's hard for Byron to follow in her footsteps. After a prolonged zigzag through the alleys of the medieval core, the mysterious lady crosses the threshold of a door. Without hesitation, Byron goes after her. Thus, he arrives at a room whose only furniture consisted of a wardrobe with strange carved symbols that reminded Byron of the Egyptian hieroglyphs and also the writing of his grandmother, a writing he has never been able to decipher (circumstance that, at the time of reading her will, cost him the...

Ernest Jennings never studied hypnosis techniques. He was just a born hypnotist. He didn’t need to use any technique, he just stared at you with that stupid face he had, and he got you under his control. However, he was not aware of his power until the day he went to ask for an autograph to Rita Hayworth after seeing her in the film “Charlie Chan in Egypt” and immediately she was signing not only the autograph but the marriage certificate by which both they became husband and wife. Naturally, she asked for a divorce immediately after the judge declared them as such, that is, as soon as the hypnotic effects wore off. She alleged mental coercion and the forensic psychologist ruled that, indeed, Jennings had a hypnotic power that he was unaware of until that moment. That also explained why when he went to ask for a job as maintenance worker at Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc., he was designated chief executive officer. Of course, when the Lehman brothers realized that the new CEO had difficu...

When Jacob Schlemihl and Michael Schlimazl were asked who was the most extraordinary person they had met in the course of their activity as researchers of enigmas, their answer was Nikola Tesla (although Jacob hesitated between him and Santa Claus or maybe Sheldon Appelbaum, his barber). When they met him, Tesla was already seventy years old, but he was still active. He kept patenting new inventions and at that time maintained close contact with beings from other planets. He lived in two adjoining rooms on the 33rd floor of Hotel New Yorker. Tesla himself had hired ENIGMA CONSULTANTS S.L. to investigate whether those little green men who occasionally appeared on his balcony were really extraterrestrials or dwarves painted green, as he had sometimes suspected. (The transmission of knowledge between these little green men and Tesla worked in the opposite direction to that assumed today by conspiracy theorists.) As long as their investigation lasted, Tesla invited Michael and Jacob to res...

The winter of 1938 was one of the crudest in New York. But especially the snowfall of November 27  was noteworthy. Snowflakes the size of golf balls fell that night. Just right before dawn it stopped snowing but the sky remained overcast the next day and in the early morning almost one foot of snow covered the streets. That day few people dared to leave their homes, and in the section of Fifth Avenue that goes from 44th Street (past St. Patrick's Cathedral) to 79th Street, the accumulated snow was not the only reason. The police received hundreds of calls warning of the presence on that place of a kind of primate more than six feet high with a broad-shouldered frame working their way through the snow like it was nothing. On that area lived influential people, hence the mayor received the information firsthand. And what did the mayor do about it? Naturally, he called ENIGMA CONSULTANTS S.L. So, as other brave citizens had done to move that day through the city, Michael and Jacob put...

In their office of ENIGMA CONSULTANTS S. L., Michael Schlimazl and Jacob Schlemihl deal with a client who asks them if they believe in extraterrestrials. “Extraterrestrials? I'm afraid not. I'm not even sure the Earth is round. Half of the world's population would be living upside down. Do you know the headache that would cause that?” “I think the Earth is shaped like a ball”, Jacob answers in turn. “You see?, your friend is better informed” “He means an American football” “Enough of nonsense. I don’t care about the stupid things you believe or disbelieve in. The point is that I am offering you a case on a tray in the name of the president Roosevelt. Take it or leave it” “Find out whether Albert Einstein is an extraterrestrial? And why has the president thought of us for that task? What about the CIA or the FBI?” “Or the NFL?”, Jacob adds. “Jacob, Einstein is not the Giants' new quarterback. He is a reputable scientist.” And turning to their client: “Why does th...

Night falls already when Jacob bursts into the office. -You know, Michael? A private detective has settled into the office next door. A tough guy with a gunbelt. -So what? -That perhaps we should also carry a gunbelt. After all, we are a kind of detectives -Consultants -Detectives, consultants, what is the difference? We both solve enigmas. -I’m afraid solving it’s saying a lot in our case. Anyway, our clients don’t need tough guys, but guys with brains -And do we have brains, Michael? -Never ask questions whose answer you wouldn’t like to hear There is a knock at the door. -Do I need to remind you every time that opening the door when someone knocks is good for the business? Jacob rushes to open. A man enters carrying a suitcase. -Is this where you solve enigmas? Jacob acts before the client like a tough guy would: “Well, solving, that’s saying a lot! But tell me, man, in what enigma are you involved?” The client turns to Michael: “What's wrong with your friend? And w...

We the fans of the UFO phenomenon handle a classification when we treat of the “close encounters”. Depending on how close we've been to the aliens, we talk about "close encounters of the first kind", "close encounters of the second kind", "close encounters of the third kind", and finally there's the kind in which you cut and run. There are fans to whom going from one phase to another takes a lifetime. I, however, went through all these phases in just a few minutes. Now I tell you. In order to establish contact with extraterrestrials or with any girl who agreed to date me, I spent the nights traveling with my old Chevrolet around my hometown. Well, on March 15, 1986, I lost the bet I had made with my neighbor Nicky, who had bet against me that I would find the aliens rather than a girl willing to date me. Indeed, that night I was calmly driving through an uninhabited area when suddenly I saw a turquoise blue light in the sky. I stopped the car an...

I will tell you how the Society for Psychical Research first heard about what we call today flying saucers or Unidentified Flying Objects (UFO), but in 1890 (when this story is placed) they still did not have a name. (The testimonies referred to them as "that"). It turns out that in Burnley, County of Lancashire, lived a man capable of interpreting the song "If Ever I Cease to Love" with the laces of his shoes. For Sir Henry Sidgwick, this was an unprecedented paranormal phenomenon. As Sidgwick was the president of the Society nobody dared to contradict him, and that is how an expedition was organized to the county of Lancashire. (For the musician in question it was impossible to travel since he lacked other shoes than those he used to make music and they went out of tune if he walked with them.) Early in the morning, the four members chosen for the mission embarked on a stagecoach surrounded by the expressions of affection and gratitude from the rest of the SPR mem...

I would play dead! Modesty aside, I'm a real artist playing dead. They are many years of practice, you know? At school I began to play dead in math class. “Philip Rimoney, get on the blackboard!”, called the teacher.  My colleagues shook me but I just like that, as if I were dead. When at home it was about setting the table or making the bed, the same thing: like a deceased person. More than once my mother thought that this time I did not pretend, that I had really died, and she  made a scene: "Oh, my only son has died! What a disgrace my God!" Then, during the funeral, I resurrected and everyone shouted "Miracle, miracle!" and they hugged me and gave me kisses and gave me gifts. But as I still had not reached perfection, other times my mother was not fooled and gave me a slap. But with the practice I reached such a degree of credibility that I deceived even the doctors, who signed the death certificate without hesitation. Thanks to that, my wife has been receiv...

You offend me, ma'am! I am a prestigious scientist. And not only the aliens have allowed me to see them but they have dyed my hair a fluorescent blue color and they have left me bangs! And then they started laughing while they pointed me out, which for a reputable scientist is an intolerable humiliation. This has happened to me dozens of times (Is for this that I pay my taxes?!), and on one of these occasions, Miss Bolkovich, my laboratory assistant, was abducted with me. She was also subjected to a horrendous haircut and the same striking dyeing. Back in the lab, she consented to me taking a photo as proof of the outrage received. Here I attach that photo with the hope that the competent authorities will take measures to stop these attacks on good taste. A small donation for needy children in exchange for this story? Click on this link to UNICEF. I really appreciate it! https://blog.feedspot.com/humor_blogs/

They can exist but with a lot of effort, since they must pass from inexistence to existence, which is not easy. The same happens with vampires, declared enemies of zombies; and with aliens, declared enemies of vampires and zombies. https://blog.feedspot.com/humor_blogs/

Ha, ha, ha, it's as if you ask a milkshake if there are mikshake drinkers. Of course they exist! I have been abducted 13 times without counting other frustrated attempts (once I cheated on them by pretending to be a refrigerator, ha, ha, ha, I'm very proud of that). I explain to you how it works: You are so quiet watching TV or sitting in the park. Suddenly, plop, a powerful beam of light illuminates you, as if you were on a stage under a spotlight. And you go up at great speed. It's them, the aliens, who from their damn flying soucer sip you like with a straw. They sip and sip until you fall inside the flying saucer, where, if you are bald, you have an implant of hair and, if you are not, they make you a bizarre hairstyle and they dye it blue, but a blue iridescent, an unknown blue here in the Earth. Then they laugh at your appearance. A small donation for needy children in exchange for this story? Click on this link to UNICEF. I really appreciate it! https...

I do not think the scientific community is prepared for my recent discovery. Even so, I am going to make it public, even if that makes me worthy of the hostility of my colleagues. After an exhaustive mathematical analysis condensed into 121 incontrovertible equations, I have come to the conclusion that the Earth is flat. "And the satellite images?" you ask, “and the testimony of the astronauts?” To hell with satellites and astronauts! Mathematic does not lie! 2 + 2 = 4 here and in Ganymede! ... By the way: another hell of a night! While I was contemporizing with a succubus that was eating my new carpet, the beam of light reappeared, but this time I could hide in time. Ha, ha, ha, I imagine the aliens' faces when they saw the succubus fall into their damn flying saucer! In any case, this should not distract me from my investigations. I must concentrate. A small donation for needy children in exchange for this story? Click on this link to UNICEF. I really appreciate it! ...

I described in detail my encounter with the bigfoot to a couple of widowed gentlemen (I suppose they were widowed because they wore black) who kindly came to my house after reading in QUORA about the event in question. They were surprised to learn that my encounter with the bigfoot was just one of the many problems related to strange creatures that I have to face every day. I explained that almost every night I am visited by succubi who eat the carpet. And more from time to time, by aliens who suck me from their flying saucer by means of a straw of light. They were very interested in this last point and wanted to know if the aliens had implanted a chip in my brain or performed anatomical experiments with me. When I explained the horrible truth (that what they did was to submit me to a stilysh haircut), they said goodbye very kindly and left hastily muttering something about "lost time" and "nutty". I chased them a long way because I had not finished my explanation ...

It is an experience that I do not wish for anyone! They absorb you by a ray of light as if they were sipping through a straw. They sip and sip until you fall on their flying saucer. And there you undergo a hair implant operation. Then they comb your hair extravagantly and dye it blue and laugh at your appearance. It is very humiliating.  https://blog.feedspot.com/funny_blogs/